My Time at Temple Studios, Part 30.

Show #30

Friday, July 4: 9 pm

I was really unsure how to start this show off. Still reeling from the massive metaphorical faceplant at the end of my previous show, I was kind of worried that the weekend shows, with their slightly different crowds, might just not work for me this time around. Could it be that the best days were behind me? Were my final shows doomed to disappoint? As I perused the cast board, I did my best to bury these thoughts. The more I let them consume me, the more likely I was to have a bad show. I couldn't allow that to happen.

In fact, there wasn't much for me to decide at that point. I already had an appointment to meet with friends in Studio 3 during the second loop, and then some of us were going to spend the final loop together, watching Fania Grigoriou's last “proper” PA loop. Proper in the sense that no one knew how the final show as going to be, or whether the loops would proceed as normal. This would be her last performance in the role during a normal show. Couldn't miss that.

So really, it was just the first loop I needed to sort out. It took me until I was halfway through the dark maze to settle on the answer: it was time to return to Kath Duggan's Lila. I found her alone in Studio 2, mid-dance in the trees. It was really quite amazing to catch this moment in isolation, and I briefly flashed back to the time, so long ago, when I saw Sophie Bortolussi's Wendy dance in the same trees under similar circumstances. There's just something magical about those first few lonely minutes of the show, when you can find yourself alone with a character in a vast, open space. There were precious few of those moments during this final week, so I savored every moment of it.

Soon the dance was over, and she headed over to the birthday tent to meet the Fool (Alistair Goldsmith). He was completely new to me, but I didn't really get to form much of an impression other than that he seemed much louder than the other Fools. But this wasn't really the best place to see what he's all about – it's probably my least favorite Fool scene. I much prefer to see the Fool flirting with Andrea, making drowning sounds, piecing together his map, sending Marshall to his fate, or anything else. Really, my favorite part of the scene is Lila's reactions to everything. I was about to add “especially when Kath is playing Lila,” but come to think of it, I've never seen another Lila in the birthday tent. Anyway, there's just something so sweet and almost child-like about the way she smiles at the Fool; it's very endearing.

Soon enough we were off to the basement, where Lila spent some time creating sound effects. It's a strange scene – nothing much happens, and yet it is entirely riveting. I used to feel like Lila disappeared between the birthday tent and the drowning recording, clearly not doing anything of importance. But now, the scene actually feels kind of incomplete if I come in with the Fool and miss all of her work beforehand.

Once the Fool was gone, I followed Lila to the orgy, which is really one of the hardest scenes for sticking with your character. Try as you might, you're going to watch whoever it is that winds up right in front of you for the line dance. And I certainly did try – but I still wound up split between Lila and the PA. That spot also wound up being a prime entry location – Dolores (Bryony Perkins), Claude (Omar Gordon), and (I think) one other person that I can't remember wound up pushing me out of the way to get into the room.

After the orgy, Lila stumbled out into a vomiting fit (well, retching and dry-heaving, anyway) in the hallway. Shakily, we headed toward the Buchanan office, outside of which Stanford (Sam Booth) just barely managed to get a white mask's arms up in time for Lila to burst through them. Close call – I didn't think he'd make it.

Much has been said about the subsequent scene in the reel-to-reel room, and I don't know if I have much to add – it was as it has always been, which was oddly comforting. That's probably not the way it should feel, but I guess that's the sort of thing you start to encounter after 30 shows. Once Stanford left the room, we started into new territory for me – last time I did the loop, I had to leave before the scene was over. Other than that, every single other time I'd been in the room, I left with Stanford.

Lila left almost immediately and broke down in the hallway, sobbing. I hadn't expected this – crying never felt like a very Lila-ish thing to happen. Her whole journey had always felt a little cold – like she was entranced, going through the motions and only interrupted by those brief moments of joy (which, due to the offset schedule of the show, were largely still to come). Granted, there was her retching episode just a bit earlier, but I always figured that was more of a physiological response, clearing the orgy juice from her system.

But then, I suppose that's the point. Confronted with the truth of her story up to now, she was hit by the entirety of it all. The horror, the fear, everything she should have felt up to that point but didn't really – all of it suddenly hit her at once. No wonder she cried. It was an incredibly key moment – and I think missing out on it is why I never quite felt the emotional connection to Lila that I had hoped to before. It was a simple thing, but it resonated across the entire loop.

Pulling herself together, Lila headed to the back room for her decontamination, which now felt even more like a reset – not just cleansing her physically, but erasing all that she had just learned. The Doctor (Ira Siobhan) added a new trick that wasn't part of the scene I saw with Doctor Booth – he worked a tray of powder into the process, spraying it over her with the air gun.

I wound up behind a large pack leaving the room, and couldn't actually see Lila at all. They seemed to be heading into the staircase, so I followed. I knew she was supposed to start her loop in the desert, so it made perfect sense that she would be heading upward. Of course, this particular staircase doesn't actually go all the way to the top floor, so everyone piled out into the town. Once out in the open, I realized that I seemed to be heading for Faye's motel room, and Lila was nowhere to be seen. Son of a bitch - I just lost her at reset again. Not much I could do about it, just head upstairs and wait for her to show up. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait too long – I had just enough time to fully circle the desert, making sure she wasn't there, before she emerged from the same staircase I had taken. Although really, it doesn't make any sense that I would beat her there at all.

She headed for the murder mound and pulled Miguel (Georges Hann) from the sand, then began to dance with him. Back in May, I was taken by just how beautiful this dance was, with Georges and Laure Bachelot, so I was excited to revisit it – but sadly, it didn't quite reach those heights this time, owing largely to the fact that there were just too many people around.  Lila and Miguel had to actually push their way through to get from pool of light to pool of light. Still a nice scene, though – my complaints exist only in light of knowing what it once was.

Once Miguel departed, we moved back downstairs through the Horse & Stars, then the back hallway, and finally out into town – a moment that took my breath away. Cutting through the saddlery had become such a habit that the only time I ever used that hallway anymore was following Miguel and Faye after the hoedown, when we were all in the thick of the action. I'd actually forgotten how effective that moment of emerging into the arcade was, like you've just stepped into another world. It may just be the most ingenious piece of set design in the entire show, with the hallway serving as a metaphorical rabbit hole. I had to take a moment just to bask in it, and missed most of Lila's scene with Tuttle as a result.

The next stop was the Buchanan house, where Harry (Edward Halsted) sold Lila a can of the world-famous Miracle Salve. I've never seen so many people packed into that living room before – when Harry collapsed and took a seat on the chair, there was no hope of watching the scene – he and Lila just became disembodied voices behind a sea of masks. Still, I was feeling quite a bit more relaxed at this show, and just wandered over to the bedroom, where I had a great view of Lila's subsequent telephone chat with Stanford. It's so strange watching it from her side, knowing he's right on the other side of the mirror, but unable to see him. Unnerving.

Pass in hand, Lila headed for the studio gates. I really like this dance – not all that much of a dance, really, but I enjoy the interactions between her and the Gatekeeper (Paul O'Shea). Somehow, even though he's harder on her than anyone else (other than Marshall, I suppose), she doesn't really get dragged down by him. I still remember the feeling of sand spraying off of her from the last time I saw it, which was unfortunately not replicated. The crowds surged in every time she or the Gatekeeper moved, so she wound up without enough room to really spin. Still, even somewhat compromised, it was quite nice.

Then we made it into the executive boardroom to find Alice (Pascale Burgess) waiting atop the table like some giant buzzard, ready to devour the fresh meat. Yes, I realize buzzards don't eat fresh meat, but she – and Lila really is – okay, not the best comparison. But you get the point. They danced on the Table, Lila listened to her creepy dictaphone (the kid's voice still drives me nuts, one of the few missteps I feel they made), and then it was off to Studio 2. Almost time to go.

I stuck around long enough to watch the entire tree dance one more time. Most of the crowd stayed behind Lila, but I circled back around to the stage side, so that the lights shined directly toward me and she was silhouetted in front of them. It's the only way to watch a Studio 2 tree dance – absolutely lovely. Finally, she headed for the birthday tent and I took off for Studio 3.

I found many of my friends already gathered and watching the magic trick, which was well underway – I was, for once, a little late. There were already eight or nine poles shoved into Andrea's box. The magic trick came to an end, and then it was time for the main event – Telephone Man. You see, during this song a certain someone almost always gets asked by Luna (Kathryn McGarr) where she would have it. This certain someone (Virna) had been fed a certain answer to that question (Vagina), and we were all gathered to see how it would go.

So of course, Luna decided not to ask her this time. She's a crafty one, she is. After Telephone Man, I got to see something completely new: instead of Delilah Jones, which in my very limited experience always followed Telephone Man, they launched into the Name Game. I kind of hate the song, actually – but Larry (Matthew Blake) and Luna managed to make it really fun. I have to admit, as much as I loved Pinky and Stevie, Larry and Luna absolutely own Studio 3. They've clearly been doing it forever, and know all the ins and outs. Old pros – and it's a joy to watch them work. I kind of regret not spending more time in Studio 3 with them. Kind of.

Also, there was absolutely no trace of the sinister overtones that Stevie and Pinky had – just goofy, boozy fun. Of course, that may be due to the fact that my primary experience with Stevie and Pinky was the 2:1, while my primary experience with Larry and Luna was. . . well, the Name Game.  Not exactly a reasonable comparison.

After the songs were done, I asked Virna when we needed to leave. She is the world's foremost PA expert, and was to be my guide through this final loop. The plan was to get to the basement and start with the orgy. She thought for a moment, got a weird look on her face, and said “now, actually.”

So we grabbed another friend who had planned on doing this loop and left Studio 3, heading down the hall to the. . . right. To the right? What? As we turned the corner, the corridor opened up wider, and I saw a large “Studio 3” printed on it, with an arrow pointing back the way we came. A few more steps and we came to the staircase. Unbelievable. I had just been led into a space that I had never been in before. I always assumed that if you turned right out of Studio 3, you hit backstage areas. And I always thought the ground floor exit from the staircase was locked. I was sure of it. I had tried the door. Hadn't I?

Perhaps that is just how strong my aversion to doing Studio 3 mid-show had been. I actually hallucinated obstacles to keep myself away.

As we emerged into the basement, the clack of the wood blocks was just audible. With a slight adjustment of pace, we were able to pass through the doors of the Masonic Temple at precisely the right moment, flinging them open Claude-style exactly on the downbeat of “The Pink Room.”

Again, it's hard to stick with your character in the orgy. This time I actually did intend to watch the PA, but we wound up much farther down the line, in Dolores/Claude land. Thus, when the line turned to the audience and they advanced on us, I was right in front of Dolores – and her stare down was absolutely terrifying. I don't know if it was the blank, drugged out expression or the crazy Norma Desmond-style makeup (or both), but we're definitely talking nightmare fodder.

After the orgy, we slipped out after the PA and were treated to a surprisingly low-key frisky corridor. This was followed, as usual, by the angry corridor, with a twist. I had seen the PA go into an angry fit before, raging at the injustice of having to go through it all one more time. I had not seen her break down after the fit, but that's exactly what happened. She leaned back against the wall and buried her face in her hands. It was extraordinary – I've never seen that kind of weakness or vulnerability from the PA before, especially not Fania's control-obsessed PA.

The breakdown left her no time to play around with lipstick in her office, so she cut straight through the side corridor that runs alongside it to meet Grandma Dolores. As we all rushed through said corridor, some asshole tripped over an unidentified object on the floor (a circuit box, maybe?) and only avoided face planting into the ground because there was a portion of wall jutting out right in front of him that he hit instead. Still managed to let out a giant yelp, totally breaking the mood.

Yeah, that asshole was me.

Fania threw in a little extra twist to her taunting of Dolores – once inside the stairwell, she shut the door and mocked her through the window, preventing anyone from following her directly. We caught up soon enough, though, and were treated to Fania's version of the reset, which I have gained new respect for. I had kind of written it off after seeing Stephanie Nightingale's reset, in which she strangles Dolores to death. After that, any other version seemed anti-climactic - but I shouldn't have been so hasty with my judgement. The PA chased Dolores up the snow pile very aggressively, poking her with the walking stick. Then, instead of strangling Dolores, she climbed up the pile above her, slipped her fingers under the mask, and flung it away with surprising grace. In the same motion, she stood up, folding her arms – the perfect image of poise. She had completely stolen the scene – it wasn't about resetting Dolores at all. It was about the PA regaining control, resetting herself - her own rebirth. The sight of her, standing tall and looking down on all of us, is not one that I'll soon forget.

Soon after we made our way to the basement, where she selected a white mask to dance in the dark. At this point most of the crowd dispersed, as you might expect. My friends took the opportunity for a bathroom break, while I pulled out my notepad and took a final few notes about the set. In the process, I had a bit of a moment: standing all alone in the Masonic Temple, examining the wall, I heard a woman's voice say “hey, Brian” very quietly – but no one was there. I mean, obviously I didn't hear it. Not really. But also, I did.

A few minutes later we were all reunited and the loop continued. There was a brief, low-key dance with the Doctor, then we returned to the office where the PA selected none other than Ygal Jerome Tsur (William/Barman) for the watch quest. It was during this bit that Virna introduced me to the “duh, use the back door” technique of getting in and out of the office in the midst of large crowds. Certainly made me feel pretty stupid for not thinking of it before.

Once the watch was safely delivered to Marshall (Jesse Kovarsky), and Dolores was changed into her black nightie, the PA headed off for the 1:1. I quickly realized it wasn't even worth trying, and remained in the bedroom. Virna gestured that she was going to get some water from Studio 3 while we waited, and I followed her – but when we passed by Studio 2, I changed my plan. Wendy (Leslie Ann Kraus) was outside the trailers, fighting with Marshall over the watch – which meant I was just in time to catch the small portion of her loop that I had missed last time. You can't pass up timing as perfect as that.

Once the fight concluded, she headed in the direction of the murder mound for her tree dance. Last time I had skipped the scene because it was second loop, and I only wanted to watch it right at the top of the show, when the crowds had not yet gathered. So of course, it made some sort of horrible, ironic sense that I would wind up watching it during the third loop on a sold out night instead. At any rate, I found a spot right at the edge of the stage, and actually had a pretty good view. It was a terrific dance – Leslie was a tiny bundle of energy, flying around at incredible speed. I stuck with her as she retrieved the scissors (which seemed to have been placed farther in the pool than the expected – she wound up soaking her sleeves trying to get them), and then as she hid them in the dressing room. Finally the PA showed back up to point her in the direction of Marshall's infidelity. Hero that I am, I tried to prevent Wendy from following her by accidentally standing in the doorway for too long.  I only realized what I'd done when I felt two tiny hands grab my waist from behind and slide me to the side - ah, the humiliation.  All the more reason to get back to my PA loop, I guess.

We took a quick trip down to the basement office, where she sucked the soul out of Punchdrunk Guru Felix Barrett to make her potion. Then right back up again to get some of Conrad's dropper drugs. Here is where Virna proved invaluable – she led me straight to Conrad's dressing room while the PA was taking a long route. We got there before her and settled into prime spots before the scene even started – and a good thing we did, too, because by this time there were so many people following the PA that most of them didn't even get into the room before Conrad (Adam Burton) locked the door. And even still, it was easily the most people I'd ever seen in there. Everyone knew this was an important one.

Next up was the seduction/drugging of Marshall, and the solo dance that precedes it. Watching the PA dance on her own up there, I was struck by a thought – whatever happened to the jacket? She used to wear a black jacket during the first part of the loop, and strip it off at the start of this scene. I kind of miss that – the loss of it was a sign that we were really getting into the thick of things. Plus, I just like how the characters' looks evolve over their loops, and without the jacket, the PA looks the same all the way through.

Then it was orgy time, and after that, Frisky Corridor time. The corridor felt very, very strange – the PA just stood there at first, not even looking Stanford in the eye. Then, when he told her that was it, they were finished, she just gave him a single, long, hard kiss. He gave her a celebratory twirl. It was the least frisky corridor ever, but also the most emotionally charged. When she said she needed a drink at the end, she really meant it.

We all returned to Stanford's dressing room, where she toasted “to The Drowned Man,” rather than “to Dolores.” We all shared the goblet of whiskey, and then she grabbed Felix for the walkdown, leaving the rest of us to follow.

I was definitely feeling better after this show than I was after the early, but still ever so slightly uneasy. I was happy to be there, and really enjoying what I was seeing – but the thing that sets The Drowned Man apart from all other things, for me, is the level of emotional involvement. And outside of a few moments, it wasn't really digging its claws into me as strongly as I hoped, or was used to. Was it too crowded? Had I finally seen so much that it was losing its power? Had I closed myself off, as a defense mechanism? Any of the above, all of the above, or perhaps something else. Whatever the reason, I was just about out of time to sort it out. So I was a little bit scared that somehow I'd messed everything up.

I was also an idiot. Because Saturday. . . . ah, Saturday. You'll see soon enough. Things always seem to have a magical way of working themselves out at Temple Studios.